Cleaning

Today is cleaning day. I haven't heard from my landlord since the last voice mail stating I was going to get evicted, and I haven't received an eviction notice yet. I have some place to go, and a couple other options if it doesn't work out, but the sheer size of the task in front of me is daunting.

In my real life I am not a hoarder, or a messy person. I am a really clean person. I like not having much. So, how did it get to this point? It all began when I moved from a house into a very small apartment. I had a lot of stuff, and some of it never got unpacked. A lot of it never got unpacked. And then, I started not wanting to let anyone in emotionally. I took a chance, and did, and they hurt me, so I started building walls of trash. I mean, if it was messy, I wasn't going to invite anyone over. I am only punishing myself though. I need to get rid of so much stuff. Most of the stuff. There is still stuff I want to keep, though, so I can't just take my cat, my clothes and my laptop and walk away. I have to throw stuff out.

Except just looking at it, I freak out. I have been up for about 4 hours, and I have only done two trash bags. I need a box by the door to put stuff in, to get that out. Get it all out, either in a bag or in a box. I wish I had the balls to take a picture of this place. I don't but maybe in a couple days. We will see.

Onto the next bag.